For those of you who read this blog regularly, it may surprise you to learn that I read a lot of books about quantum physics.
Actually, it surprises my friends that I can read at all.
Thankfully, I’ve stumbled on a few quantum physics picture books that allow me to write this post with some authority. Well, that’s half my authority. The other half stems from my many failed romantic relationships with women.
What do quantum physics and failed romantic relationships have in common, you ask? Let’s just say I’ve witnessed more big bangs than the rest of the scientific community combined. In fact, I can provide a detailed description of what happens at the moment of the big bang and the three days that follow. After that, I’m usually so deep inside a black hole, nothing seems to matter anymore.
The comparison doesn’t end there, either. For the past hundred years, thousands of the world’s smartest men have tried to understand quantum physics, from the likes of Albert Einstein to Stephen Hawking. Yet, they can’t even explain something as fundamental as gravity.
Similarly, for the past four million years, billions of men have romanced women, yet none of them can explain the word “romantic”.
In quantum physics, every time scientists think they’ve identified the final layer of complexity, they uncover a whole new layer requiring many thousands of hours of additional research.
For men trying to understand women, this is an almost daily occurrence.
In quantum physics, some particles maintain what is called a “spooky” connection with each other, meaning that even if you separate them by great distances, one particle seems to know what the other particle is doing.
Any man who’s ever tried to sneak in a few beers while on an errand knows this is true of girlfriends and wives, too.
If an electron becomes highly agitated, it may jump from one atom to another.
If a woman becomes highly agitated, she may jump to another Adam.
In quantum physics, the mass of one particle may vary substantially from another.
With women, the collective mass of all their particles may vary substantially over time.
In quantum physics, the smallest entity is capable of producing enormous explosions.
This is true of women, too.
Finally, scientists universally agree that it was an act of physics that created this universe, and, ultimately, it will be an act of physics that destroys it.
Likewise, it was a woman who gave me life. And with a couple more posts like this one, it’ll be a woman who takes it away.
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I just read that the ‘God Particle’ has possibly been discovered. What say you? And do you prefer a universe made of strings or particles?
Oh, and it’s just that we women have eyes in the back of our heads. For that matter, we have eyes scattered throughout the time/space continuum. We know where you’ve been, where you are and where you’re going.
I’ve actually given up on deceiving women. When you’re 0/734315, you know it’s time to change tactics!
I go with string theory, mainly because it’s easier to understand why I’m so frequently tying myself in knots.
Seriously, though, I really love the membrane variation of string theory, which suggests our universe is two giant membranes that expand away from each other, then contact again until the collide, setting off a big bang. In that theory, the cycle occurs about once every trillion years, and in theory could go on endlessly.
I just spilled a drink on Jan’s laptop, however, so I’m more concerned about surviving the next few minutes!
Evil laugh…….
First, history, now quantum physics. Do you also do physics book marathon as well? (Speaking of book marathons, when you had that 90 Greek history book marathon, did you just pick up any book you saw on Greek history or did you follow some kind of curriculum?) You are like one of the most fascinatingly weird person I’ve come across. That’s a compliment.
I definitely acknowledge the weird part. My quantum physics reads are more like short bursts – 3 or 4 books maximum. My Greek history marathon was a mix and match of general Greek history (for context), and specific subjects (like the Greek/Persian wars, Herodotus, Alexander the Great, etc.).
I won’t be reading anything today, however, as Jan and I went to the beer garden last night and my head hurts.
How did you get into quantum physics in the first place? Brief History of Time?
BTW, whatever happened to the explicit rendering of two green aliens by Cleo…?
Hey, I’m an alien, remember? I didn’t cross thousands of light years of space without a little professional interest in physics.
I don’t know what Cleo’s doing with our dirty alien pictures. She says she’s young, and it’s the weekend, so I imagine she’s out having a good time.
Did you study physics in school? Thought you would be English major or something other artsy thing, you being a writer and all. The reason I asked is that I wanted to read more about dark energy and time dimension, etc, but I couldn’t for the life of me pick a book out and read it. I tried Scientific American articles a few times, but couldn’t make the head or tail out of it. Suggestions?
Study in school? I left school at age 15 and educated myself (I don’t need no stinking school!:)). Re: time, The Labyrinth of Time: Introducing the Universe by Michael Lockwood wasn’t bad. I don’t have any specifically on dark energy, but I loved Endless Universe by Paul Steinhardt and Neil Turok, which is mostly a theory about the nature of the universe, but is very educational in the process.
You said that and just quit? And you lived? At 15? Lucky you! When I quit my first college, I thought my parents would commit filicide for sure. Why did you quit? You were so much smarter and school bored you?
Thanks for the suggestions. Do they have pictures? If so, I’d better get the books on paper.
Bored, yes. Smarter, no. It did, however, teach me to educate myself, which has proven to be a valuable skill set in the computer industry.
Endless Universe has some pictures, I believe, but I read it on the original Sony Reader, which wasn’t exactly picture friendly.
Third, even if I’m young, I’m a very shy end boring woman so every week end I’m staying home losing my time or going to my parents. Anyway, about the 2 aliens, I told you I want to do something nice, so I’m lerning a new program. Is not about learning this prog, is about the conditions that I have: in the week end I have a notebook-you know, the little ,little laptop that u can’t do lots of thing with it, and during the week, I don’t have time. So please be pacient.
Hope to get them ready soon.
However,I’m glad that you didn’t forget about my hot scene with the aliens
Hey, no problem. Alien sex isn’t something one sees every day. I’m sure it will take some time to get it right!
About the 2 aliens
It’s almost done…I need some retouching staff to do…
This pop up some questions into my head about my personal problems with my parents, childhood and stuff…:))
I could do it more sexy than funny….and this is strange too….maybe I should see a therapist …. I won’t draw anymore as I find this a way of self-analyzing that freaks me up!:)))
Oh no – you mean we’re traumatizing you with this? Usually, only the women who actually have sex with my species end up with emotional problems. This is the first reported case of an artist suffering the same trauma. Do you want to draw something more innocent?
My mum told me that if I’ ve started something I must finished it, no matter what !
So yes..It’ s something weird in the pic, but is nothing that I can do.
I’ll try to leave with my traumas…hope Santa sees me.
Okay, well, I admire your courage! So let it whirl and maybe you can traumatize Yoon and me at the same time!
First of all, thank you for remembering me the interesting subject that I’ve started to study like 4 or 5 yers ago, that now I’ can take it seriously under my observasion, as you said, this subject is endless…I simply love it.
Second, I like the this 2 subj., in the same text -quantum phisic- women, it’ s a nice mixture and analogy. Congrats for that!
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