Electroshock Your Man Back Into Action

There are many reasons women might want to give the man in their lives a jolt of electricity.

Getting his butt off the couch comes to mind.

Making him pick up the pace on the to-do list is another.

And every woman on the planet would probably love one of those handheld zappers to make sure her guy is paying full attention during venting hour (though you might want to increase the voltage if you’re going to attempt the relationship talk).

Well, Israeli scientists have just come up with another reason to zap your guy once in a while: to keep his man equipment in peak working condition.  Yes, you read that correctly.  Forget the diet and exercise regimen.  Forget the little blue pills.  Just hook up a couple of wires down below and you’re good to go.  Talk about a jumpstart.

I have some problems with this, however, starting with a philosophical objection.  If memory serves, all I heard from women for the first fifteen years after I matured (physically, of course) was “down boy”.

Now, if all these advertisements and news articles are to be believed, all I’m going to hear for the next fifteen years is “up boy”.

Would you girls please make up your minds?  Like Pinocchio, I, too, am seeking some semblance of self-determination.

Second – a rather obvious statement – I’m not a big fan of attaching electrodes to my family jewels.  Sure, the doctors claim it’s safe for now.  But we men know how much you women despise boredom in the bedroom.  It’s only a matter of time before one of you hooks up a bigger battery (where size does matter) and begins experimenting with variable settings.

Don’t get me wrong; I’m not against such experimentation when it comes to sex toys.  I just don’t want to become the toy – that’s all.  We start down that slippery slope and the next thing you’ll know, I’ll be stuffed away in a shoebox where nobody can find me.

There’s a serious health concern the Israeli doctors failed to mention, too.  Let’s not forget that most of a man’s higher brain functions are south of the border.  You run too much current through that region, and you may end up doing more than just keeping the drawbridge in working order.

In my case, you could lobotomize me.